Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
