I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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