I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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