member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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