Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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