I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
