Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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