This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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