I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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