I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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