Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
