Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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