explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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