Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
