oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize