I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
