I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Text me some of your sweat
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
