God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize