If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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