Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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