I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
