i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
