When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize