...so i touched it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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