Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
