you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
