then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
