Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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