dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
