So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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