If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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