Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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