I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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