You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
