I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
