And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
