i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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