Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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