Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
