Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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