Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
