I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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