our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
