im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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