Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
