Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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