Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize