i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
