yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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