Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize