i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
