I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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