So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize