she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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