I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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