Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
