I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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