I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
