I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
