why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
