i need an iv and a liver transplant
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
