We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
