i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
