I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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