Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
