Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
