you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
