No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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