I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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