it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
