Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
