dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize