She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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