He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
