Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
