you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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