I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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