i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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