dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize