i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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