just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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