dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
