dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
