Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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