just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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