There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
