I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
