I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
