I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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