I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
whose parrot is this?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
