I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
