He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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