Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They have beer where we have blood.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
