There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
