Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
