dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
