the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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