Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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